Q&A on Facebook

Okay, so for some fun, I decided to use Facebook to get people to ask me questions on anything they wanted. Some were quite imaginative, and others were rude. Don't blame me - I didn't ask the questions! My task was to give these people the best answers I could. They are as follows...

What would you rather be: an otter or a badger?
An otter. They're more 'OTT'.

Is it I think, therefore I am. Or I am, therefore I think?
Neither. It's in fact Iams, therefore it's pet food.

Kidulthood or Adulthood?
Adulthood. They fit better.

Can I number 2 on your chest?
No. I keep my treasure in there.

What treasure?
Pirate treasure. Looks real, but it's fake.

How do I find Mars with my telescope?
I'm guessing you have to look into it.

What did you eat for breakfast?
Diet pills.

Where did I leave my damn wallet?
In the river.

How many balls are there on a snooker table at the start of a match?
Twice as many as there are girlfriends making them play this sick, sick game.

Do you believe in aliens?
No. A mate brought the box set round the other week. Just special effects, I think.

Do you believe in the afterlife?
No. But I believe in life after love.

Cats or dogs?
Depends what they're served with.

What do believe we should do about the rising problem and controversial topic of overpopulation?
Kill anyone that talks about it.

What is the solution to childhood obesity?
Adulthood death.

Nostalgia and Alcohol Adverts

Right, so here's a bit of nostalgia for you - and we all love a bit of nostalgia...

10 years ago, when growing up with my mum and brother, my elder brother and I realised there were an abundance brilliant adverts on TV. Not just that, but we noticed they were all for alcoholic drinks.

We christened this ( say, 6-month period) the "Golden Age" era of adverts, purely because there were just so many high quality ones doing the rounds. All of them extremely funny, too.

So a few weeks back now, I decided to try and hunt down some of these adverts, which I thought would be an impossible task, due to the shift from crackly old VHS tapes to glimmering DVD discs - I was afraid no one would have kept any of these tapes and they would fade away in the endlessness of time...

To my joy, however, I actually did manage to find not one, but 6 of these adverts online through YouTube. This wasn't easy; since I didn't know exactly what adverts I was looking for - or indeed the year until I found them - I had to rely heavily on trawling through literally hours of uploaded ad breaks that had found their way onto the internet.

This video below is my personal favourite and brought a smile to face when I remembered this beauty:

I will upload the other 5 in a countdown fashion when I have the time, but now would like to show you my current favourite ad on TV at the moment.

This advert isn't funny as such or even witty in any way; it's just very stylish and cool. I think I secretly want to the the guy in it:

The fascinating thing is that alcoholic adverts still seem to have it, even 10 years on...

Interviewing Myself

When there's nobody famous around to be interviewing, you have to take initiative, so I took it on myself to.. Well, take it on myself.

1. If you had one wish what would it be?

It would be a wish. You just told me.

2. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?

I usually see myself in the mirror.

3. What's your biggest inspiration?

Inspiration.

4. What's your favourite dish?

The blue one.

5. What do you do in your free time?

Nothing. Otherwise it wouldn't be free time.

6. What's your favourite film?

Cling film.

7. What is you first ever memory?

I don't remember.

8. What do you want to be when you're older?

Younger.

9. Would you rather be frozen to death or burnt to death?

It depends. How are either going to make me deaf?

10. What's the worst thing about your battery dying?

Going to the funeral a week later. No wait, I can do better than that... Come back to me later.

11. ...what's the worst thing about your battery dying?
They don't always come out the colour you want them to.


12. They say you either love Marmite, or you hate it. Where do you stand on that?

I don't stand anywhere on that. I'm sitting on the fence with this one.

13. What socks are you wearing today?

The ones on my feet.

14. How would you describe yourself?

I would quote the dictionary for accuracy.

15. Describe yourself.

The dictionary defines yourself  as being: Used to refer to the person being addressed as the object of a verb or preposition when they are also the subject of the clause.

16. CD of the year?

2011.

17. What's on your list of thing to do before you die?

Number 1 on my list of things to do before I die is to finish the list of things (to do) before I die.

18. Do you have any siblings?
I wasn't born an only child; I was only born a child.

19. Tell us a secret.

I was born a virgin. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

20. What do you think about religion?

I don't think about religion.

21. What's the naughtiest thing you've ever done?

Lived in the naughties.

22. What's your ideal pet.

On the lips.

23. What's your favourite quote?

This one.

24.What's your dream job?

It's only part-time, but I get paid to sleep.

25. What would you spend all your money on?

A rainy day.

26. What would you tell us so that you would have to kill us?

That I was going to kill you.

27. What's your favourite colour?

Multi-colour.

28. What's you favourite car?

Probably the one seagulls make.

29. What's your star sign?

This one *

30. What's your favourite sounding word?
Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia. *RESPONDS IN SIGN LANGUAGE* 


31. I didn't know you knew sign language?
I don't.


32. Isn't it a bit sad you're interviewing yourself?

It was your idea.


33. 33's an odd number to end on, isn't it?
Yes. Odd numbers follow even numbers.

List of the Things/People I hate...

Because I'm such a jolly soul, I decided to put together a short list of the things, but mainly people, I hate... Enjoy! :)




1. People that write on their 'about me' section "I like spending time with my friends." Well, duh. Who doesn't, you morons?

2. Adverts on YouTube. They actually seem to countdown the time remaining like: "Don't worry, you only have to endure me for another 17 more seconds." And for those of you doing the math, yes, that is enough time to load a revolver and pull the trigger. In loading time, on the internet though, that's like a lifetime. For those of you also wondering, no, that's not enough time to make a cup of tea or check your em@ils. It's just enough time, however, to hold your attention to their crummy ads, but, annoyingly, never enough to really do anything constructive. Sorry to bark on so much about this, but it really gets my goat!

3. People who stash horrible biscuits in their tins. Truly worse than having none whatsoever.

4. Gossip. I wish word of mouth would shut the fuck up.

5. When you pack a banana with your sandwiches and they end up tasting like banana. If I wanted a banana-tasting sandwich, I'd make a banana sandwich. Duh.

6. People who join groups (on Facebook) and actually appear to BRAG about knowing the difference between 'your', and 'you're'. I learnt that in primary school. And don't even get me started on the 'there', 'their' and 'they're' people. They're even worse. They seem to have some kind of superiority complex over the 'your' people for knowing one more word than them. I mean really, how thick are these people?

7. Small Talk: It's not big and it's not clever.

8. People who think liking your own status is unacceptable. Liking your own status must be Facebook approved, otherwise you wouldn't be able to do it.

9. When I can hear my neighbours having sex. Hearing them argue is far more entertaining.

10. Negative comments on cigarette packets. I'd much prefer positive messages like: "If you don't smoke you will live a long prosperous life."

11. The fact that downing cold, fizzy drinks - to a certain extent - actually hurts.

12.The idiot that forgot to write on the box how long you're supposed to pre-heat the microwave for.

13. That liking (Facebook) groups is like putting on weight; easy to gain, missions to lose.

14. Whoever did all the washing up in the house. You missed a bowl in my room. Gawd. 

14. Myself for writing 14 twice.

16. ...and thinking it was funny.

17. Anyone who didn't have the time to get to here.

18. Anyone who didn't even get to this page.

19. People that take themselves too seriously. 

20. Lists listing things people hate.